Most Mondays, I question that I chose working as a career. Why couldn’t I have majored in vacation? I am really good at sitting, eating, smiling, enjoying, relaxing, drinking and sleeping. Basically, I bring all the skills needed to be the CEO of Vacation. Yet, nine years post college, here I sit (in a cube no less) every Monday daydreaming about five day weekends and two day work weeks, asking myself, why?
Usually to make myself feel better, I take a five minute break here and there to catch up on the latest and greatest on the interwebs. Yahoo!, known for its groundbreaking reporting and stories, is where I typically start. This morning was no different and as I perused the carousel I saw a headline that read, Man buys toy poodles, discovers they are actually ferrets on steroids. Um, yes please – tell me more.
As it turns out, there is a market in Buenos Aires that sells “puppies” that are actually ferrets and rats. They pump varmints up with steroids, fluff their hair and scam people. Now, I’ve seen both rats and ferrets. They are both disgusting, smelly animals that I am shocked could be mistaken for puppies. But then I thought about it for a bit.
If I were the CEO of Vacation, Buenos Aires would definitely be on my list of destinations. I would sleep in, eat a lot and drink more. Then, after I had a substantial buzz, I would wander around the city taking in the sights, which would most likely include a visit to La Salada, Argentina’s largest bazaar. In a vacation high, I would wander up and down the aisles of the market seeking out the cutest puppies. I would pick them up and cuddle them, disregarding every red flag like the weasely movements and hissing.
“What a cute puppy!” I’d exclaim to my vacation employees.
“I want one. If I could just hold onto him.” I would look around as the puppy shimmied out of my arms.
“Do you sell leashes?” I’d ask the booth owner.
“Perfect! I’ll take both puppies and two leashes.” Then, my vacation high would be replaced with a puppy haze of happiness except that they weren’t really puppies. They were ferrets. And ferrets are weasels. And weasels are gross and mean. I would feel like the dumbest CEO of Vacation so I would try to hide the puppy scandal from everyone around the world. I would fear getting fired from vacation.
Then, my work phone rang and snapped me back to reality – maybe a career in working after all isn’t so bad. I hate ferrets.