I broke a toilet today – not clogged, broke. There’s a distinct difference; although, I was just as embarrassed. We are at Tom’s parent’s house for the weekend. We had just finished dinner when my tummy started hurting. I excused myself and headed upstairs. Everything was great until I flushed the toilet.
It. Would. Not. Stop. Flushing.
I lifted the lid thinking I’ve got this. I’ve fixed a running toilet before but unfortunately, this was not your average toilet. It was an energy, efficient, fancy toilet. I couldn’t see any parts or even water for that matter.
“I’m screwed,” I muttered.
When I am confused, I have a tendency to turn in circles. It’s like I am wasting time until a mysterious genie appears out of a non-existent lamp to give me advice on my latest situation. As usual, the genie didn’t appear. Ah, shit.
“Um, Tom.” I walked half way down the stairs thanking God my best friend Evelyn broke the potty barrier between the two of us early in the relationship.
My face was bright red, as his dad followed behind him. “Uh, the toilet won’t stop flushing.”
Tom comes to check out the situation. My face was turning a deeper red as the seconds ticked by.
“Get me a plunger.”
“But it’s not clogged. It’s just flushing.”
“Get me a plunger, Elyse.”
“Okay, but let me do it just in case.” By this time, his parents were starting to gather at the door. I might as well have been wearing a sign that read: I just took a dump. It didn’t go well.
Why were the relationship Gods being so mean? Was it because I ate meat on Good Friday? It was only the second time I slipped all Lenten season. The first time was for a Slim Jim. I can never resist snappin’ into a Slim Jim.
Tom and his dad worked on the the toilet for at least a half hour. I stopped watching after the first ten minutes. I couldn’t handle the embarrassment so I joined his mom downstairs. I filled her in on the situation.
“It’s okay,” she reassured me. “It could have been any of us.” She was right, but it wasn’t just anyone, it was me. I broke the toilet while doing the unspeakable. I needed to give myself a pep talk because I knew the elusive genie wasn’t going to show up anytime soon.
Alright, Elyse, you can do this. Act like nothing happened and just laugh it off. Hold your head up high. They’ll forget abou…
Tom shouted interrupting me mid-thought, “Hey Stinky, come play ping pong with us!”
Who am I kidding? They are never going to let me forget.
Happy Easter, y’all! I hope yours is less embarrassing than mine! -Elyse